More than a month ago, I started working on POD, thinking that fleshing it out would be a breeze. It wasn't. It got to Version 2, 3, and all the way up to 7 and it just wasn't working the way I wanted it. I hated the idea of quitting mid-manuscript - that just wasn't me - BUT I also felt like I was going nowhere.
In the end, for the first time in my self-publishing career, I decided to set aside my WIP. You see, I'm the stubborn type of writer who wants to finish what she's started (when I'm past the initial draft, that is) and not move on to another story until it's finished. I don't care how long it takes, I just want to finish it because I thought that was how it was supposed to happen.
But now, after almost three years of self-publishing, I've come to realize that it won't always work that way.
Sometimes, even if I cried over the outline (meaning, it moved me so much I ended up crying), if it doesn't work, then it doesn't work.
And you just have to let it go.
When I did just that, I felt so free, even though it means starting from scratch with a new book or a new draft. I chose Kyr and Pollyanna's story to work on because it's been in my mind for quite some time, especially since Prince of Darkness' ending was supposed to be a lead-in for K and P's story. Anyway, I worked on K/P and oh, how the words flowed so easily. It almost brought me to tears when I finished working on the set, I just couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to be writing again.
You see, the entire time I was working on POD, I actually began to hate writing and I also started feeling scared that maybe I've run out of ideas and I will never be able to write another book. I thought my career was over, my life was over, everything was over.
It was that bad.
But then K/P came, and well, it was like being given a precious second chance.
Another bonus is that after writing K/P, the things that I felt were lacking with POD but couldn't quite articulate suddenly became clear. I realized with hindsight that the reason why the draft and outline worked BUT the actual manuscript didn't is because with the latter, I was again unconsciously trying to impress certain types of readers when in fact I should have just been focused on making myself and readers like me fall in love. I read books that make me forget about the harshest realities in life and allow me to dream, and I write books that are exactly like that, too, because I think readers like me can't ever have enough of it. BUT dammit, I forgot about that. I actually ended up letting my pride take over and write shitty things so that POD would be able to impart an "important lesson".
Honestly, just thinking about how blinded I was during those days make me cringe.
I hope to God I never fall for the same trap again.
And I have to apologize to all of you for being so weak as to fall for that kind of trap in the first place.
Sorry, guys! Sorry for making you wait unnecessarily, and sorry for losing sight of the big picture. >.<