The time came for the feast of the Dedication. It was winter, and Jesus walked back and forth in the portico of Solomon. The Jews then gathered around him and said to him, “How long will you keep us in doubt? If you are the Messiah, tell us plainly.” Jesus answered, “I have already told you, but you do not believe. The works I do in my Father’s name proclaim who I am, but you don’t believe because, as I said, you are not my sheep.
My sheep hear my voice and I know them; they follow me and I give them eternal life. They shall never perish, and no one will ever steal them from me. What my Father has given me, is greater than all things else. To snatch it out of the Father’s hand, no one is able! I and the Father are One.”
HOW LONG WILL YOU KEEP US IN DOUBT?
- It starts with asking myself, When is it my turn?
- Then self-doubt sets in. Maybe it will never be my turn because I can’t ever be good enough.
- This is followed by self-pity. That’s okay, that’s my life. I should just be happy with achieving this much.
Who I was before isn't who I am now, and I need to remember that.
Back then, I had nothing. So when I kept asking, When is it my turn - it was because I never really had any kind of turn, never had a taste of what life is like in the other side of the fence (a.k.a. being published and having readers want your next book).
Fast forward years later and I can’t be thankful enough that I didn’t get my turn.
You see, if I had gotten my turn, and I had eventually gotten a publishing deal through my then-agent, I’m pretty sure I’d be too content with having my book in bookstores to even consider dipping my toes in self-publishing. I’d have told myself it was okay to earn a tiny amount of money as long as I was doing what I love. If all this had happened, I’d also have to keep working at my day job and accept freelance writing gigs on the side to support myself. But I’d be happy because – hey, I have my books in bookstores all over the world!
I'd be happy but NOT COMPLETELY HAPPY.
You see, I love my family the most. I will never hesitate to give up writing as a full-time job if it means being able to give my family a comfortable life. And I believe that would have eventually happened if I had stayed on the road that led to traditional publishing.
But through God’s grace I found myself on the path of self-publishing / indie publishing and I have never looked back since then.
Now, I realize that it hadn’t been my turn back then simply because it wasn't for me. Self-publishing has changed my life SO MUCH that I can’t ever thank God enough for it. I want to help as many people reach their dreams, if only to give back a little what God has given me.
So this post is for me and for you - it's to remind us that if there's something we want or have been wanting for such a long time and it hasn't been given to you yet, it could be it just isn't the right time or something better's in store for you. Of course I'm not saying you should just wait and do nothing. You should keep writing - keep doing what you can to improve your skills and there will come a day when the stars will align and there'd be no stopping you.
I believe in that, and I believe that God will make it happen for us. :D