Every day, I find myself torn - I have a hard time defining my identity. I feel like I'm torn between two directions: on one hand, as someone who loves God very much and on the other, someone who writes the kind of books that the church - Catholic or Protestant - may frown upon. Sometimes, I wonder - does this mean I should give up writing steamy romance - which I really enjoy doing and am extremely passionate about - and start writing Christian or inspirational romance instead?
For so long I have had no idea what the answer to this is. But listening to Christopher's testimony, reading and researching about his life - I just suddenly found the answer. Or make that I finally understood God's answer. In one of the blog posts about Christopher that I read online, it says ---
When Chris Yuan’s parents became followers of Jesus Christ, their one prayer was that they would get to see Chris come to believe in Jesus. They didn’t ask that he receive a shortened prison sentence. They did not ask that his HIV be cured. They did not ask God to take away his homosexuality. They asked that they get to see Him come to follow Jesus.
Learning that has opened my eyes. It made me realize that through writing what write, I have the power to reach more readers and perhaps help them discover the wonderful and mysterious ways in which God works miracles in our lives. You see, readers of Christian romance are usually already blessed - I don't think I'm in the position to be of greater help to them. But for those reading mainstream romance - those who love to read the kind of books I write, I believe I have the power to remind them through my stories that God is always there for us, no matter what. And that no matter what happens, we must never blame God. Everything happens for a reason - even if we don't readily understand what those reasons are. We can only know and remember that God loves us and that He will never ever ever harm us.
Like Christopher, I am an imperfect person. I have sinned and will likely sin in the future. My writing is just as imperfect but even so, God's message is perfect and because of that, I believe that at the end of the day, His message will still be able to shine through in every story I write.
Perhaps in time...what I write will change. But for now I realize that I am happy, content, and beyond excited with where I am right now. I believe that I'm doing is what God wants me to do. You know how with some people, you just can't force them to believe and shove your faith down their throats? The only way to reach them is to gradually expose them to God's love and I believe that's the role my books will play - are playing - in God's plans. My books can help change those people who will steer immediately clear of Christian romances just because they're what they are.
If you've accidentally stumbled upon this post, I believe it's no accident - it was destiny, to open your eyes that maybe you've got a similar purpose in life. I also believe that this post is meant to remind us that the right path won't always feel like the right path. The right path isn't always straight and comfortable. There have been so many articles and books written about finding the right path and getting off the wrong one that we forget about how the devil can also tempt us the other way around. The devil can make us doubt ourselves, make us believe we're on the wrong path when we're actually on the right one already.
I hope this post helps those who are as confused as I was. If you're still confused, just keep praying and God will give you the answer you seek. It may take time, but there's a reason for that, too. Just don't lose faith. God bless you all!