I write sweet and steamy rom-coms with tear-jerker happy-ever-afters.
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This is where we talk all about writing.

I'm still new to indie / self-publishing, but if there's a question you'd like to ask me, please feel free to do so. 
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My Road to Publication

Productivity vs. Fruitfulness

11/29/2015

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Note: This post is a reflection on the sermon delivered by Pastor R. Chan at Grace Gospel Church. This is Part 3 of 3.
Hardened hearts pursue the interest of men, rather than the interests of God, in the name of Jesus. - Bill Lawrence.
Pastor R had a question for his listeners that particularly struck me:
Are you longing for something more than a mediocre life?
​Well, it is there, available.
But first, let me go back to Part 1 of my post. One of the reasons I thought of writing that post only after BOOK 3 is released is because my sales for Books 1 and 2 of Pollyanna and the Greek Billionaire are less than stellar. BUT then church happened, God spoke to me, and here I am! :D 
Now, to give you an idea of how Polly 1 did in comparison to my most recent series, let's say that for every copy of Polly 1 sold, My Dutch Billionaire 1 sold 3 to 5 copies, more or less (it varies because of the time of the day). 
BUT there are other factors to consider, such as---
  • My Dutch Billionaire was priced at $.99 while Polly 1 is at $2.99
  • MDB benefited from more lead-in promo, like posts and teasers in social media and my newsletters
  • Polly 1 was released in replacement for Prince of Darkness and Polly 2 was released during Thanksgiving / Black Friday, which one US writer has told me that is extremely bad for book sales because most people are away from home (it's even worse than Christmas, they say)
  • Nov - Dec are supposedly low seasons for book sales (I hear this all the time, BUT the truth is, I've never been affected by this until now. In the past, every time I released a new book, it was all good.)
  • LOTS OF MAJOR CHANGES HAPPENING. I think this is mostly because of Amazon's Kindle Unlimited program, to be honest. But unfortunately, the only thing we can do is ride it out and just keep writing the books we love. 
So, I was hoping I could have better news to share about Book 3, out of pride.
Here I am, talking about how thankful I am that God helped me write Polly 1-3 but then Books 1 and 2 sold less than MDB, which I also wrote during very bad times. PARANG ANG LABO, DI BA?
But then yes, I attended service this morning, and everything became clear, especially when Pastor R asked us to choose between PRODUCTIVITY and FRUITFULNESS.
For me, PRODUCTIVITY is working to primarily reward yourself. FRUITFULNESS is working to primarily reward others or for other people to benefit.
And this was my mistake when I was writing Prince of Darkness.
If you remember, I mentioned how I wanted POD to be this not-shallow-romance, able to inspire people to do or be certain things. And my God, I was so caught up with this idea that I forgot MY OWN RULE about writing. And that's to write what you love, write what your readers love, write what you're destined to write.
Instead, I write to flatter my own ego, to impress would-be critics and readers of other genre.
I ended up NOT being true to myself, and DAMN IT, I wasted almost two months lost in my own DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR. Dammit, dammit, dammit - to think I'd be able to use those words about my own work. 
Yeah, I had sunk that low.
I became the kind of writer that I secretly felt bad for.
Writers who write to impress, rather than writers who simply write because it's what they love, and it's because they want their readers to FEEL the way they feel. 

John 15: 16 You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.
I lost sight of this. Of the reason God has blessed me with the opportunity to know EARLY in life what I am DESTINED to do, to know my PURPOSE. I was like Simon Peter---
John 21: 1-3 
1 After these things Jesus showed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias; and he showed himself in this way. 2 Gathered there together were Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin,[a] Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples. 3 Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.”
Remember that this took place after Jesus' death. And when Simon Peter said, I am going fishing, it was like an admission - him choosing to go back to his old way of life and forgetting what He had learned from Jesus.
This was what happened to me. 
As I struggled over writing Prince of Darkness, I found myself falling back on my old ways, out of fear, laziness, pride - everything. I forgot to trust God. I forgot that I wrote because I love to write,  I wrote because I want my readers to fall in love.
In an ideal world, Polly 1 and 2 would sell even better than My Dutch Billionaire. But so far, it's not. It's NOT doing BADLY, it's just not doing as well as its predecessor. But I think this had to happen, too, because in a way, this has also reminded me WHY I love writing.
Because regardless of the sales, I'm DAMN PROUD of this series. (Sorry for all the cuss words, but I'm feeling pretty emotional). I sweat blood and tears on these books, poured my heart and soul in them. I know that, when the right people (meaning my target readers and not readers who hate romance for unreasonable reasons) read my work, I know they'll have the best time, and they'll think, ah, this is love. And this is the love I want to have / to keep experiencing.
So yeah, I'm DAMN PROUD. Yeah, repeating it. DAMN PROUD. Hehe. 
And last night, I also had to watch Jerry Maguire again, for research purposes (daw, hehe), and there were a couple of great quotes that I think would apply to this post, too.
 That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!
All right, I'll tell you why you don't have your ten million dollars. Right now, you are a paycheck player. You play with your head, not your heart. In your personal life, heart. But when you get on the field it's all about what you didn't get. Who's to blame. Who won through the pass. Who's got the contract you don't. Who's not giving you your love. You know what, that is not what inspires people. That is not what inspires people! Shut up! Play the game, play it from your heart. And you know what, I'll show you the kwan. And that's the truth, man! That's the truth. Can you handle it?
Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.
Part 1 here.
Part 2 here.
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When all is said and done, what now?

11/28/2015

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Note: This post is a reflection on the sermon delivered by Pastor R. Chan at Grace Gospel Church. This is Part 2 of 3.
This second topic is actually the core subject of Pastor R, but I had to do a little segue with my first post. Anyway, GGC had a mission conference (a really huge occasion for the church) during APEC week, and following that they also celebrated their 50th anniversary. So this Sunday was the first "normal" Sunday, and as Pastor R noted, it's only now that everyone's "high" - after attending such important occasions back to back - will be starting to fade.
Hence, his topic: WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, WHAT NOW?
I think this is also applicable for us PH writers, especially those who have attended yesterday's 5th Filipino Reader Con. There were lots of great panels and talks, based on what I've read so far on social media, so I'm sure everyone's experiencing that so-called "conference high". 
Personally, I had this same feeling, too. When I finally got books out - one after another, too, after suffering from such a long writing drought, I was IMMENSELY GIDDY. I felt so BLESSED. I avoid using that word these days, tbh, because I feel it's being abused, but right now I can't think of any other word that could properly define how I felt. I was blessed, beyond belief, beyond what I deserve. That's how I felt. And that's why I posted the quote below on IG.
Picture
Now here's where it gets interesting.

​Before I could post it, our Internet connection suddenly stopped working. No reason at all, it just stopped working for a few minutes and I remember how AT and I looked at each other, wondering what happened.
But then it came back and so the image quote, which showed up as failed initially, went through. It popped up on my screen and I just absently scrolled down, intending to look only at a few photos before going back to work.
​
The first photo I saw on my newsfeed was the one below--
Picture
AMAZING, right?
This is from a fellow writer, btw, and I would NOT have seen her post if our Internet connection didn't stop working. That's why, when I headed over to her IG, I told her what happened and that she's the reason God made my Internet connection stop working. Because if it hadn't stopped, I would never have seen her post. I would have seen someone else's post and because I fully intended to work right after. 
Honestly, when it happened, I had goosebumps all over and when I told my dad about this, I had goosebumps all over. I don't know if it helped the other writer (Hi, N! Just in case you ever get to read this), but I know IT HELPED ME. Because it's just like a bonus, to have THIS KIND OF PERSONAL MIRACLE and proof that God is really here with us all the time. I'm sure there are people who will think it's just coincidence, and that's also cool. To each his own. <3
So anyway, if you combine THAT and the feeling of awesomeness you get every time you release a book (and remember, I just released TWO ), well, yeah, I've got the same HIGH as others do, when they've just finished with a conference or seminar.
Now, Pastor R was saying how it's a phenomenal process, the way people can get so pumped up during a conference or right after it, then give it a couple of days or weeks, and it's business as usual, and people have completely lost the passion to act on their ideas.
He mentioned how, when you're at a particular event, you'd be excitedly jotting down notes, and as you write every word, you feel like God's talking to you. 
BUT here's his question - when was the last time you went back on those notes? 
After the mission conference, he went back to his notes, and as he went over it, he was actually overwhelmed by the amount of information in them, and the changes he needed to apply, that he felt it would take a month at least just to fully digest everything, and that's only to understand, mind you.
I think it's the same for us.
When we learn something new about our work, when we attend an event like FRC, when we read a particularly inspiring article---
Let's keep that high going. 
Pastor R has several suggestions for this:
  • Go back on your notes. I promised myself I'll do this and go back on my notes.
  • Pray for specific things. 
  • Discuss with your peers.
  • Be mentored.
Another interesting thing he mentioned during his sermon was how we - and he includes himself in this - are at our most "pretentious" when we are at church. I'm guilty of this, too. And I think this also applies to industry events that we attend, or any other public occasion that we feel we may be judged. When we know eyes could be on us, we try to behave at a certain way and we make a conscious effort to say the right words.
But the thing is---
We are less able to help ourselves AND others if we can't be true to ourselves. If we're suffering, if we're struggling, we MUST admit this (and that's actually something I'll discuss in Part 3). 
So in a nutshell: if we want to help ourselves, if we want to help other people, let's honestly reflect on what we've learned, too. <3
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We have worked all night long but have caught nothing.

11/28/2015

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Note: This post is a reflection on the sermon delivered by Pastor R. Chan at Grace Gospel Church. This is Part 1 of 3.
Luke 5: 1-6
1 Once while Jesus was standing beside the lake of Gennesaret, and the crowd was pressing in on him to hear the word of God, 2 he saw two boats there at the shore of the lake; the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little way from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. 4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” 5 Simon answered, “Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets.” 6 When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were beginning to break.
Last October to the first 3 weeks of November, I struggled so much over writing and editing my WIP at that time, Prince of Darkness. I actually (literally) penned this story years back, and I had thought it would be a breeze to flesh it out now that the time has come to publish it. But while talking to my editor Wendy, I had this lightbulb moment about adding a prologue and changing the back story for my heroine. 
The reason: I wanted my book to not just be the usual romance, but I also wanted it to inspire readers to appreciate how we're all different and to respect such differences.
The result: I wasn't able to write the story at all.  I wrote various versions, wrote chapters and chapters only to erase them afterwards. My income was sinking BIG TIME and because I'm the breadwinner of my family, this worried me a lot. An increasingly loud voice in my mind was URGING me to just finish it and get it out. Anyway, readers seem to love all my stories, no matter what. But I just couldn't. I felt like I owe it to my readers and to myself not to put out a story that I don't love.
These were dark, dark days for me, and I didn't interact much with anyone. I kept my problems and worries to myself. I began to feel terrified, thinking that it was the end of my career. Because I just couldn't get it. Why wouldn't the words come? Why?
5 Simon answered, “Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. ​
And then one day, I forgot what made me think or realize this, but I thought back about how it was for me the month before (September). It was one of the most challenging months in my career, because I had to temporarily set aside work while looking after my boyfriend's sister while she was at the hospital and then there were the several trips we made to the E.R. because my mom was suffering from a mix of hypertension and middle life crisis, and, well it was really, really bad. 
I had deadlines looming, but I had no choice. I had to put my family first. When things had settled down somewhat, I simply put my faith in God and let Him guide me.
The result: My Dutch Billionaire series became one of my BESTSELLING books ever. EVER! 
So I remembered how it was that month, when I was facing so much more problems, and I realized that my greatest mistake was to keep struggling on my own, NOT asking help from God and not trusting in Him. I thought, if Prince of Darkness wasn't working, then it's not. I realized then that finishing POD was something I wanted to do not out of love or passion. Instead, it had become a matter of pride. I NEED TO FINISH THIS BECAUSE I CAN. I'M A SHITTY WRITER IF I CAN'T FINISH A MANUSCRIPT I STARTED. And because I felt that way, POD had turned into work instead of a passion project, like all my other books were.
So...even with only weeks to work on a new series, I told myself to trust in God and help me. 
Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets.
And the words just flowed.
When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were beginning to break.
To be honest, this post is something I was planning to write next week, after the release of Book 3 for Kyr and Pollyanna's story. But after today's sermon, I realized that God was telling me to write this post now, while it's still fresh and so that I may share a lesson on humility (more that on Part 3).
Anyway, I'm happy to share that because of God's grace, Books 1 and 2 of my series are now out and Book 3 will be out December 2. 
God is amazing that way! I slaved over Prince of Darkness for months, writing every day, and NOTHING. But Pollyanna and the Greek Billionaire - I only worked on it for a short amount of time, and it's become one of those stories that I know I will be FOREVER proud of because I poured MY HEART AND SOUL in it.

A Disciple's Lifestyle

In Pastor R's sermon, he highlighted these three things as necessary for a disciple's lifestyle.
  • Reliance
  • Repentance
  • Remembrance
I believe this is true, no matter what our work is, no matter who we are. I can even go as far as saying that all these applied to me while I struggled working on Prince of Darkness. I forgot to RELY on God, because of my pride. But then REMEMBERED what He had done for me, and I REPENTED and put my trust in Him. And yes, I did pray that time, when I had decided to set aside POD and work on something else. Praying to God, I asked for His forgiveness, for thinking I could do it all on my own. 
I hope this post inspires you. Whether it's writer's block or just a phase where you HATE everything you write, like how it was for me, put Your trust in God. He will not let you down.
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#FILIPINOFRIDAY 2: 5 Things I Wish as a Filipino Reader

11/12/2015

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Off the top of my head----
  1. More PH-oriented adult coloring books. HEHEHE. Like, give me a scene I can color that's straight out from Baguio (flowers and pine trees), Boracay (beaches), Ilocos (wind mills & carriages), Capiz (aswang festival). COME ON, somebody give me this!!!!!!
  2. An easier way to order older / backlist titles. Like...what if I want to order the old chick lit books published by Summit and PSICOM? In paperback and ebook form?
  3. More steamy AND escapist romances by PH authors with PH characters (not just because it's what I write but also because it's what I know I will always love to read) written in English, Taglish, and Filipino (because variety is essential) 
  4. More ebook versions, esp. for non-fic / instructional / self-help
  5.  More books (not just the Wattpad stories bec they already have their own TV show) adapted for TV / films.
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#FilipinoFriday 2015 1: 5 Ways Reading Has Changed My Life

11/5/2015

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It's my second time to participate in FRC's Filipino Friday posts. If it's your first time to hear about it, then head over to their blog to know everything there is to know about it.
That done, back to my first post, which is over an hour late. >.< 
IF NOT FOR READING...
  1. I wouldn't have discovered my purpose in life.
  2. I wouldn't be able to stay close to God.
  3. I wouldn't have realized how there is much to love about life and humanity, wouldn't have known and appreciate how big and diverse our world is.
  4. I wouldn't have gotten to know or become friends with several wonderful people.
  5. I could have been a really BAD (and not in a cute or cool way) person.
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Why aren't you getting what you want?

10/1/2015

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When looking for a literary agent, you usually send out feelers first, which are basically what query letters are. The responses you get will vary.
  • Outright rejection. Say ouch then move along.
  • Request for sample pages. This is for agents who do not want the first three or five included in query letters.
  • Request for a partial. This means the first three chapters or thirty pages, usually not including the prologue.
  • Request for a full. This means the agent wants to read the entire manuscript.
My stats back then were not good at all although I did get partial and full requests. And even if you did get requests, there's still no guarantee that you'd get an offer of representation. Most times, you don't and it's actually rejections after sending out partials or fulls that hurt the most.
I cried over them - literally cried - and I'd feel depressed about them for days. I know being rejected only means you and the agent's tastes didn't meet, but even so, it hurt. BIG TIME. Mostly because these agents were the ones I really wanted to represent my work since their authors are some of my faves.
There were so many times when I asked myself, When is it my turn? When?
Eventually, I did find representation but the agent and I didn't meet eye to eye so in the end we had to part ways. That was a major letdown to be honest. I really thought that once you've snagged an agent, your worries would be over. I mean, I've read about the horrors of submission hell (this is when your agent sends out queries to editors; this is different from the query-go-round, which is what authors hop onto when they're searching for agents). But anyway, I've read of authors and agents' struggles in getting a publishing deal BUT I thought, foolishly and vainly, that I would be different.
I was not. So yes, when my agent and I parted ways, I was devastated. And again, I asked myself, WHEN? WHEN WAS IT MY TURN? And I asked God, too.
Turns out, it would never be my turn because traditional publishing isn't for me.
I've been indie for a few years now, and I look forward to being indie forever. Maybe, I'll go hybrid given the chance but only if God wills it. For now, though, I can only envision for myself being indie forever and I thank God for it. 
My only regret, to be honest, is that I came in a little too late in self-publishing, like a few months after the golden days of self-publishing. But then again, if I had come in a little too early, my writing wouldn't be as polished (not that it's perfect now). One thing I'm hugely thankful for my days of querying was how it pushed me to hone my craft. It's forced me to pay attention to the rules and while I do break a few of them now with my writing, I do so with self-awareness and with reason.
The reason I'm reminiscing about this is because a lesson from last night's Bible study struck me in particular, and yes, I wish I had known of this before. 
James 4: 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
Looking back, I think traditional publishing wasn't for me THEN because one of the major reasons why I wanted it was for VALIDATION. I was all hung up on what people thought of me. I wanted to prove something, and I believe if I had been traditionally published then, I would have ended up insufferable and with so huge an ego that I'd never fit any door.
I had to stumble SEVERAL times, get my pride battered with hundreds of rejections, in order to appreciate what I have NOW.
When you ask God for something, it will be granted to you as long as----
1. What you want is according to His will. Pray the Our Father. Focus on the words 'thy will be done'. 
2. What you want is meant to glorify God. Through your desires, you are able to share God's grace.
I know this to be true because it's happened to me many times. I've asked myself why I was blessed to have this and that but in the past not given X or Y. Now I know why. :) 
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This writer enjoys watching AlDub and here's why.

9/26/2015

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So here’s the thing. I write super mushy, super steamy rom-coms. Most of my one-star reviews describe my books as mindless, shallow, stupid, and unrealistic. My heroines are weak. My heroes are jerks. You get the drift. 

But I also receive emails and messages on FB from readers all over the world, and these people tell me how my books have made them laugh and cry, how my stories have allowed them to forget the real world, even just for a while. My “senior” readers tell me my books take their minds off the pain of their illnesses. Other readers tell me my books are their way of de-stressing after a long, tiring commute, a hard day at work, a challenging day at school – you get the drift, too, right?

Honestly, I think it’s the same with AlDub. 

I know it’s definitely the same for me at least. When I’m exhausted after writing, when I just want to stop worrying about my mother’s health (she’s NOT dying, but a recent scare had us thinking she had some serious illness)…I watch AlDub. In fact, if I can, I watch Eat Bulaga in its entirety because I find the entire show entertaining. 

To be honest, before AlDub, or at least since I start self-publishing full-time, I didn't have much time to watch TV. I got too busy working, and my primary motivation for working is to earn a living so I could make my loved ones happy and be of greater help to those in need. It just so happens that I also love what I do, which makes my job enjoyable but definitely not stress-free.

When I first watched AlDub, it was instalove. I can’t explain it, but I just enjoyed every minute of it. So much so that I was motivated to show my support, regardless of what other people would think of me. I don’t know Alden or Yaya Dub personally, but they seem like good people to me. I could be wrong, but that’s what I think for now, and because I know tweets help in increasing brand recognition for the two celebrities, I tweet. 

Question is - does watching AlDub make me exceptionally shallow? Does it make me a rather unfortunate example of a Filipino citizen? 

I don’t know. 

What I do know is that I’m at my happiest when I make other people happy. As for what AlDub has to do with that, here’s how it works (in my case at least):

  • I work to earn a living, and the money I earn, I spend on my family, for my personal use, and for my monthly tithe (a.k.a. giving back). 
  •  In order not to burn out from work, I need to de-stress myself. 
  •  To de-stress, I watch AlDub.
That’s it, basically. And I think it’s the same for many people who watch AlDub or even Pastillas Girl. People just want to relieve their stress from their day-to-day worries, and they get that from watching either show. 

Watching AlDub will NOT help solve any of the major problems that our country suffers from. But I don’t see how not watching AlDub is going to make our country’s situation any better either. People who, for whatever reason, are not as involved in solving our country's problems pre-AlDub are unlikely to change even if they stop watching said show.

On the other hand, watching AlDub can (not saying it always or ever does, but there's a possibility) start a chain of good deeds.

Honestly, after watching an episode of AlDub, I’m in such a good mood that even when I encounter some kind of negativity in my personal life, my main instinct is to just laugh it off while mentally saying to that person, AlDub you. Watching this show makes me extra patient, extra generous, and who knows? People I’m extra patient and extra generous with can end up being the same with other people…and so forth. 

In the end, kanya-kanya lang yan (to each his own). Maybe it’s just a phase, maybe it won’t last. Honestly, I don’t care. I’m just happy to tag along for the ride and have something relaxing (not to mention AFFORDABLE) to look forward to Mon-Sat.

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So it's September! :)

9/25/2015

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September is my birthday month, and this year is my second consecutive time to celebrate it with children from marginalized sectors. I think that's the most politically correct way to put it although it does sound a lot more cold-blooded, too. On the other hand, it doesn't feel good either to simply describe them as "poor" or "less fortunate" because technically, there are also wealthy people we can honestly describe in the same terms, albeit in a different context. 
But anyway, doing outreach is something my dad and stepmom's been into for numerous years already. Probably started when I was in my twenties and so it's not something I grew up with. It's not something I was used to doing. However, it is something I ended up wanting to do because every event is, in one way or another, life-changing and it always help me put things in the right perspective.
In yesterday's homily, Father Robert - the priest we invited for the outreach and, incidentally, our priest also for LSS, which I wrote about previously - shared with us a story about a young boy who, like the kids listening to him, had a very tough childhood. He and his mother were relocated to a community similar to what was in Don Bosco, Calauan, Laguna, his stepfather beat him constantly, and when his stepfather died, the boy - at a very young age - had made the difficult decision of temporarily leaving his ailing mother to live with another family for 12 years just so he could finish school (but that family treated him more like an indentured servant than a part of their family) and provide a better living for his mother. The only highlight in his young life was when a priest came to visit the housing community he and his mother lived in, and through that priest he was able to discover Christ. Since then, it became the boy's mission to become a priest as well.
Last August 2014, that boy's dream came true. He became a priest and he went back to his mother, saying, "We made it. We did not give up." Through Christ, he is finally able to give his mother a better life.
That boy was, of course, Father Robert himself, and honestly I hadn't figured it out until may he was 90% into his story. >.< Sharing his story was essential because he wanted the kids to know that his life story isn't much different from the rest of them. In fact, during my dad and stepmom's first visit to the youth center, they had come to know a really young boy - about four or five I think - who knew that his father went to jail because he had killed the boy's mother and tried to hide her corpse in their kitchen. Your heart would break for that little boy when you see him. His eyes have lost its innocence, and sometimes even when you call out to him, he doesn't answer, too lost in his thoughts when he should have been playing and leading a carefree life like most kids do.
The moral lesson in all this, of course, is to NEVER GIVE UP.
Our own lives may not be as dramatic as Father Robert's or the little boy's, but I know you know it doesn't mean that our problems are not as heavy or as painful. We suffer so much especially when we see our loved ones hurting and we feel like we can't do anything about it.
But we can. It may not seem so right now, but we can. We just need to work hard AND have faith. I sincerely believe it's not one or the other. It has to be both.
Personally, September has also been a month of extreme highs and lows for me. I had to overcome probably the greatest challenge in my life, involving a member of my family, and it really had me crying because I just didn't know what to do. It was significantly affecting my work, and I was genuinely terrified that it would show in my writing - that when my books came out, people would know what mood I was in when I wrote it and they'd hate my work. 
I did not blame God at all for this, of course. Throughout this ordeal, I actually came to realize how arrogant I have been in the past months. I had been so busy working that I had forgotten to acknowledge God's hand in all my achievements and blessings. I felt like the challenge was there to remind me that we owe everything to God and without God we have nothing.
So I prayed to God for help and enlightenment. I admitted my weakness and I simply offered everything to Him and relied on His love and grace to get me through.
And you know what? Even though this month included the darkest days in my life, I also ended up releasing my highest-ranking book to date.  To be honest, I was thinking my books this month would equate to career suicide because I was releasing them when I wasn't in the ideal frame of mind. Even worse, they're not in Kindle Unlimited and with Amazon these days, non-KU books suffer from visibility woes right out of the gate. Worst of all, I wrote them in serial format. I did this because I enjoy it - I get an unparalleled emotional high when I do so - but it's also that one format which offers a surefire way to get a few (definitely not all) readers pissed at you for various reasons (which I have nothing to say about since everyone's entitled to their own opinion).
But I still did it anyway because it felt right and it was a gamble I also felt I had to take, just so I can see which direction I'm meant to take with publishing. And with God's grace, the gamble that I thought I'd lose - well, it actually paid off, and in ways that I never imagined.
Moral lesson: God will NEVER let us down. Never. But we mustn't lose faith in Him either, whatever happens.
After our outreach in Laguna, we went straight to Rockwell to have mass (anticipated). So yes, two masses in one day, what can I say? The older folks are very religious. :P
But actually, it was a good thing we did because Father Mario (advance happy birthday, sir!) also imparted a really wonderful message during his homily. To keep things short and simple, he said that people who truly feel blessed are those who work to be a blessing to others.
He spoke of this person he knew, who cursed his 90-year-old mom and blamed her and his siblings for not gaining his rightful inheritance. Father Mario asked why, and he said, "It's because I only got P400 million and..."
That's definitely one example of how you can be blessed but not see it and so you are also unable to be a blessing to others.
I truly believe that the greatest blessing in life is to be that exactly - to be able to share whatever you can with other people, even if it means that it will be - at times or even often - to your detriment. Sometimes, it may be perceived as weakness but even so...let it be. What matters is that you were able to help, and that you know in your heart you have done what God wanted you to do.
In almost three years of indie publishing, I have experienced a lot of personal miracles. There have been numerous times when I question myself, many nights when I'm sleepless and wonder if I've finally done that one mistake which will cause God to take everything away from me so I'll learn my lesson. And yes, I know that God isn't punitive or petty but that's how I feel. But always - and there's no exception - whenever bad something happens (which I am wise and faithful enough not to ever blame God for), I'd realize later on that it was actually a blessing in disguise.
My point is, well, rather my points are---
1. Everything happens for a reason. If we feel lost or defeated, let's just pray for wisdom and grace. We are NEVER alone, but we often forget this in times of trouble.
2. Focus on your blessings. Because we are blessed, all of us. It's just that not all of us realize this. The more you focus on your blessings, the happier you will be, and the more excited you'd be to share what you have. And because you want to share so much of your blessings, God will of course be happy to bless you more so that you have more to share. It's a cycle, and a really great one.
God bless you all!
*pabebe wave*
Disclaimer: I do not earn millions and millions every month. I am not a celebrity. I understand that some may think only celebrities can do something like this, but like I mentioned before, it's something that my family has been doing for years and they're no celebrities either. What they do is tithe, and use this to reach out. This is what I do, too. My monthly tithing goes to my family's civic non-profit group and it's used for programs like this.
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The Rule Breaker in You and Me

9/15/2015

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I can't remember if I've talked about this in the past, but if I did, it was probably only in passing. For this post, though, I intend to be more "in-depth" with my take on writing violations - or things that we are NORMALLY told not to do when writing.
Babala - I mean, Disclaimer: I am writing this post, knowing that I probably won't finish my work for tonight, to earn some good karma points from God. :D I don't know why, but I feel like I should mention this.
Disclaimer #2: EVERYTHING I SHARE HERE IS WHAT WORKED FOR ME. I am not saying it's right. I am not saying it will help you succeed. I am not saying it will help you at all. If you have nothing nice to say, I'm one of those terribly proper people who think it's then better for you not to say nothing at all. 
Back when I was querying for an agent and hoping to get my book published by a traditional publisher, I made sure to play by the rules. I believed - then - that following the rules was the ONLY and RIGHT thing to do.
When I switched to indie publishing, however, I gradually found myself experimenting and, yes, deliberately breaking rules that I felt I had to break because of how I want to write. And to my surprise, the experiments seem to pay off. I'd like to think they did pay off, but I also think these rule-breaking experiments worked in my favor because I knew I was breaking the rules. I had the chance to discuss this with a fellow Filipino writer (and editor), and she was the one who opened my eyes to this, actually. She told me (this is not verbatim) that there's a major difference between writers who deliberately violate certain writing principles AND writers who make the same mistakes out of inexperience or ignorance. 

SHOW VS. TELL

I used to be really, really, really, really in favor of this rule, to the point that I've never acknowledged (in my mind, at least) the possibility that sometimes, more tell vs. show would ever work. But then I started writing My Dutch Billionaire 1, and I just knew that I had to do a lot of telling. I just...had to. There's a kind of intimacy when you do more telling versus showing, almost like a diary that comes to life just for your eyes, and even though I knew it could likely cause my book to be a huge flop, I took the risk anyway.
And I'd like to think it paid off, since the book got me back on Amazon's overall list for Top 100 Movers & Shakers as well as giving me a temporary spot on Amazon's top 100 contemporary romance authors (which, I promise, is even harder to do these days if you're not in KU).
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More "tell vs. show" was something I deliberately chose to do because - as you see from the review above - the love story between my H/h started when the girl was very young (14!) and the guy was - here goes - 28! So, yes, double her age! In hindsight, I realize now that one of the primary reasons "tell vs. show" worked is because the heroine's age made her lack the kind of maturity and experience needed to articulate her feelings for the hero in a way that would satisfy readers. And so I had to "step in" and tell. 
We can, of course, argue about skipping this part of their relationship entirely and just go straight to the part where she's old enough to show her side of the story. We could...but I didn't. Because I felt that this part of their story is integral and I personally believe that it's something my readers would appreciate. 

FORMULAIC plots

Here's the thing. Other writers may think or even call you a hack to your face. Others may think you're uninspired and lacking in creativity. Others may say that your writing's crap, purely because you have a formula.
But here's the other thing. A lot of readers - and I'm like this, as a reader - have favorite authors because they know their expectations will be met. And that's what you're trying to satisfy when using a formula.
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See? Even my readers know I have a formula. Also, see what happens when I stray little from my usual formula? :D
It took a couple of bad experiments for me to STOP FEELING GUILTY about ENJOYING my writing when I use my favorite formula. The penny-dropping moment for me came when I read a book from a certain favorite author and it was NOT what I expected at all. Made me feel so depressed and disappointed, and eventually I realized that this is what would happen if I let other people's opinions sway me from writing what I like to write - and what MY readers like to read. 

prologues

Another thing I stayed away from big time when I wasn't self-publishing was PROLOGUES. 
For most people, prologues are unnecessary and even a means to feed one's ego at times (I guess it's because some people use a lot of deep / flowery words in prologues). 
But here's another thing. I really like prologues. I think it's a great way to introduce a character's background without slowing down the rest of the story.
So when I started self-publishing, you can bet your ass I started writing prologues as well. And I'd like to think it works because my prologues have a purpose.
Purpose #1: Readers get to KNOW your characters.
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Purpose #2: To make your readers FEEL.
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head-hopping

Basically, it's when you change POVs within the same scene. A lot of people hate it - authors, editors, publishers - but, weirdly enough, it's something that my favorite authors do. Judith McNaught is one of my Top 5 all-time favorite authors and I can honestly say that her books have influenced my writing a lot. She never failed to make me fall in love with her characters, never failed to make me cry. I loved the banter between her H/h and I loved the way she made her heroes grovel. 
Another is Lynne Graham, my #1 go-to Harlequin Presents / Mills and Boon author. She does a lot of head-hopping, too and I love it.
There's also Christine Feehan, with her Carpathian series. I absolutely adore the way her characters are able to communicate telepathically and yes, that's a head-hopping scene, too.
BUT again, I avoided doing this because I knew I'd have a hard time convincing agents / editors to even give my manuscript a chance the moment they see one head-hopping scene. In fact, this was what led me to write most of my early manuscripts in first person.
And then I started to self-publish, took the risk in writing the way I really want to write, and I'd like to think this also paid off.
One of the more frequent / common similarities among reviews of my books is where you see a reader actually commenting about my "writing style", which I believe pertains to my head-hopping POVs. 
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I honestly believe by "original" she means the head-hopping, thing. :D And notice that this review also mentioned my writing (style). Normally, you see readers only commenting about the story and characters. 
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Another common similarity is how my readers LIKE that they know what the characters are feeling / thinking ATM. I 
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BAD REVIEWS

Here's what I think. We are our own worst critics. If we're not the type to indulge in self-delusions then we'll be able to know right away when something's not working. So there's no need to read bad reviews. I don't know about you, but every one or two-star review I read about my book (I try to avoid doing so, but sometimes it's just so hard to ignore) HURTS me. It also affects me at times, to the point of crippling my ability to write. 
So really, the less negativity, the better. Avoid reading bad reviews. 
Remember: a bad review only means your book got into the wrong hands. 

AND SO YOUR POINT IS?

Rules were made to be broken. 
No, not really. :D I'm kidding. 
The point is, it's essential that we take our time to hone our craft. To study the basics so that we have the right foundation to "build" our stories on. It's only by knowing what these rules are and understanding why they're there that we can effectively determine for ourselves if all these rules are something we should adhere to when writing. 
So NO, I AM NOT ENCOURAGING YOU AT ALL TO BREAK THE GOLDEN RULES OF WRITING. 
What I am saying is that if you do intentionally break a rule (meaning, you know you're breaking one) and you do it because you feel it's right (meaning, you understand why the rule exists but you also believe your story can't be told properly without breaking the rule) then go for it.
It's your story, and it has to be told the way you envision it.
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Author Earnings September 2015 and what it means to me

9/14/2015

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First: the link to the September 2015 report. 
Next: Points that stood out for me -
Walmart will very shortly be carrying a self-published book on its store shelves
If only local bookstores / or even chain stores like 7-11 would do this, too!
The rise of Kindle Unlimited...
KU1 was great for my pen name, but unfortunately I went into it a little too late. KU2 stung because I hate the idea that we're paid by pages read. However, considering the stats shared by Author Earnings, I know I have to adjust. So, yes, I'm planning a KU comeback for my pen names. Will share results once I have a complete NEW series to market.
Amazon imprints have nearly doubled their market share, from 7% of all Amazon ebook purchases in February 2014 to 13% of all Amazon ebook purchases now.
For me, this simply means that Amazon will naturally provide books under their own imprints with better visibility. It's a good way to do business and it's just something that we need to live with and adapt to. C'est la vie.
Note: I have nothing to say about the decrease in traditionally published authors' earnings or reduced sales for trad-pub books because, well, to be honest - I feel like I have bigger things to worry about at the moment.
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    Welcome!

    * Starting February 1, 2014, this blog will be dedicated to providing publishing tips for aspiring Filipino writers.
    * This blog is also where I share my theological views and how it affects my life and work as a writer. I consider myself an open-minded Catholic as I also have an uncle who's a Christian pastor. Luke 9:50 Jesus said to him, "Do not prevent him, for whoever is not against you is for you."
    I believe with all my heart that it is our personal relationship with God that saves us and NOT RELIGION.
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