So...just came back from having dinner with my dad's side of the family and we also had First Friday mass at the office.
Today's gospel was particularly illuminating and helpful, the gist of it being this post's title. Basically, it means that while it's normal for us humans to feel anger, even hatred, we should avoid cursing or directing our anger towards the person who's hurt / harmed us in whatever way.
Instead, it's better (for everyone concerned) that we focus our anger on the sin itself and just pray for that person (well, actually, we're asked to LOVE the sinner but if this isn't possible then we can simply pray for him / her instead) to change or realize his / her mistakes.
Now, there are also times when we just NEED to release our anger. Maybe because we feel so hurt, betrayed, wronged - the reason doesn't really matter. Sometimes, we just feel the urge to release our anger. Well, this, too, is normal, and if you're feeling like this, Fr. E advises us to purge our anger simply by writing everything we feel and turn our hate into words on paper. And once it's done, crumple that piece of paper into a ball, and throw it away...along with your anger and hatred.
So yeah, bottom line is...let it go, don't hate, and focus on the positive. It's a tall order, as all of God's teachings are, but I definitely see the merits in it, and I feel - with regular practice - it will go a long way in making life better for us in the long run. We'll all be happier this way and find it easier to get along.

Last October to the first 3 weeks of November, I struggled so much over writing and editing my WIP at that time, Prince of Darkness. I actually (literally) penned this story years back, and I had thought it would be a breeze to flesh it out now that the time has come to publish it. But while talking to my editor Wendy, I had this lightbulb moment about adding a prologue and changing the back story for my heroine. 
The reason: I wanted my book to not just be the usual romance, but I also wanted it to inspire readers to appreciate how we're all different and to respect such differences.
The result: I wasn't able to write the story at all.  I wrote various versions, wrote chapters and chapters only to erase them afterwards. My income was sinking BIG TIME and because I'm the breadwinner of my family, this worried me a lot. An increasingly loud voice in my mind was URGING me to just finish it and get it out. Anyway, readers seem to love all my stories, no matter what. But I just couldn't. I felt like I owe it to my readers and to myself not to put out a story that I don't love.
These were dark, dark days for me, and I didn't interact much with anyone. I kept my problems and worries to myself. I began to feel terrified, thinking that it was the end of my career. Because I just couldn't get it. Why wouldn't the words come? Why?

And then one day, I forgot what made me think or realize this, but I thought back about how it was for me the month before (September). It was one of the most challenging months in my career, because I had to temporarily set aside work while looking after my boyfriend's sister while she was at the hospital and then there were the several trips we made to the E.R. because my mom was suffering from a mix of hypertension and middle life crisis, and, well it was really, really bad. 
I had deadlines looming, but I had no choice. I had to put my family first. When things had settled down somewhat, I simply put my faith in God and let Him guide me.
The result: My Dutch Billionaire series became one of my BESTSELLING books ever. EVER! 
So I remembered how it was that month, when I was facing so much more problems, and I realized that my greatest mistake was to keep struggling on my own, NOT asking help from God and not trusting in Him. I thought, if Prince of Darkness wasn't working, then it's not. I realized then that finishing POD was something I wanted to do not out of love or passion. Instead, it had become a matter of pride. I NEED TO FINISH THIS BECAUSE I CAN. I'M A SHITTY WRITER IF I CAN'T FINISH A MANUSCRIPT I STARTED. And because I felt that way, POD had turned into work instead of a passion project, like all my other books were.
So...even with only weeks to work on a new series, I told myself to trust in God and help me. 

And the words just flowed.

To be honest, this post is something I was planning to write next week, after the release of Book 3 for Kyr and Pollyanna's story. But after today's sermon, I realized that God was telling me to write this post now, while it's still fresh and so that I may share a lesson on humility (more that on Part 3).
Anyway, I'm happy to share that because of God's grace, Books 1 and 2 of my series are now out and Book 3 will be out December 2. 
God is amazing that way! I slaved over Prince of Darkness for months, writing every day, and NOTHING. But Pollyanna and the Greek Billionaire - I only worked on it for a short amount of time, and it's become one of those stories that I know I will be FOREVER proud of because I poured MY HEART AND SOUL in it.

In Pastor R's sermon, he highlighted these three things as necessary for a disciple's lifestyle.

• Reliance
• Repentance
• Remembrance

I believe this is true, no matter what our work is, no matter who we are. I can even go as far as saying that all these applied to me while I struggled working on Prince of Darkness. I forgot to RELY on God, because of my pride. But then REMEMBERED what He had done for me, and I REPENTED and put my trust in Him. And yes, I did pray that time, when I had decided to set aside POD and work on something else. Praying to God, I asked for His forgiveness, for thinking I could do it all on my own. 

I hope this post inspires you. Whether it's writer's block or just a phase where you HATE everything you write, like how it was for me, put Your trust in God. He will not let you down.

Today, I slept at around 3AM and had to wake up 6AM to attend a seminar that my dad organized. 
(P.S. For those wondering, this is NOT the reason I wasn't able to attend the first F2F of #StrangeLit >.< Sorry, that was a personal decision. I'm just very shy. :( Sorry!)
Anyway, for maybe a second – seriously, it was just one moment – I considered excusing myself from the seminar because I was really still sleepy, tired, and I had work to do. But with the grace of God, I found the strength to shove thought away. First of all, I made a promise to my dad, and secondly, this was a seminar about God. How can I not go?
So I did, and you know, that was one of the first points the seminar drove home.
NEVER SHALL A DAY DEDICATED TO THE LORD EVER BE A WASTE.
The seminar we attended was called Life in the Spirit. I honestly thought this was something started by a small group of Filipino Catholics – like a local, special version of a Bible group – but nope. As you can see here, this seminar is also being conducted outside the Philippines.
LSS was so much more than what I expected that I really feel excited to share what I’ve learned from it. To be honest, I should be sleeping by now. As much as possible, I try to avoid “overworking” my eyes…
(Quick story: My stepbrother’s mother-in-law is now half-blind because she’s unable to completely open her eyes, which is – basically – a result of washing her face every night even when her eyes are tired; anyway, she warned us to avoid eye fatigue, and seeing how much she’s suffering, it’s definitely a lesson I do my best to keep in mind)
But in this instance I’ll make an exception. I’m afraid I’d forget everything I learned (although I did take notes) if I sleep on it.
The LSS (Life in the Spirit Seminar) my dad organized is a full-day event, but upon researching online I’ve discovered that other seminars take place in the course of several weeks. In any case, it’s definitely something you can also organize for your family, friends, or co-workers. While its main objective is renewing one’s Catholic faith, I sincerely believe anyone with open-minded views about religion and spirituality will benefit from it.
Now, it may not seem like it at times, but everything I write here is meant to either directly or indirectly help you with your writing career. For me, the stronger and deeper my faith is, the better writer I become. I hope it’s the same for you, too. As such, here are the major points I’ve learned from the seminar.

Lesson #1
There were once two neighboring shops that sold the exact same type of jewelry. The first shop, worried at how the newer shop was steadily gaining a bigger slice of the pie, decided to hire a burglar to turn things around. 
The burglar, however, wasn’t there to steal the other shop’s merchandise. Instead, the burglar was tasked to switch the price tags of the other shop’s items so that come next day, people who paid the high price tag were actually those who ended up with expensive jewelry…and vice versa.
The moral lesson: The Devil pretty much works the same in its attempt to deceive us with what’s important or not.   

Lesson #2
Imagine an open garbage bin in front of you. Flies would converge on it if you don’t constantly wave your hands about and try swatting them away. The moment you stop, they go back.
The moral lesson: It’s not enough to attend seminars like LSS or even going to mass regularly to keep evil spirits away. You need to constantly work on your faith and consistently do good deeds. And no, this analogy isn’t meant to say we’re trash, but there is trash inside us, and this consists of our evil thoughts and intentions and the sins we’ve committed, continue to commit, and plan to commit. Evil is attracted to that, and the only way to keep the Devil away from us is to strive to be good.

Lesson #3
Can a tiny coin conceal something as enormous as the sun? Yes, it can. All you have to do is to lift it up and place it in your line of sight, which then blocks your vision of the sun. Or you can just place the coin over your eyes, forcing them to closed. That’s it. 
The moral lesson: Allowing the coin to block out the sun is akin to focusing on petty problems to the point that you fail to appreciate just how blessed you are. How many times have you remembered to thank God just for the mere fact that you continue to have eyes that can see? That you have a body that’s able to function on its own? The eyes are designed for us to discover and appreciate the beauty of God’s creation, but do we really use our eyes for this purpose? Should we not be thankful that even though we fail to use our eyes the way they were meant to, God remains generous and understanding enough not to take His precious, invaluable gifts from us?

Lesson #4
A Japanese doctor named Masaru Emoto conducted a water experiment in which two jars of water were subjected to the exact same conditions. The two jars had only a single difference: one jar was labeled “I love you”. The other jar was “I hate you”. Check out the link above to find out what happened.
The moral lesson: Never underestimate the power of labeling. Never let anyone refer to you in any derogatory term. 
My personal take: This lesson struck a chord in me because there are so many times when I can’t help thinking how shamefully lazy I am. I always feel I can do or should have done more, and every time I think that I feel guilty about my slothful ways. This lesson made me realize, however, that it’s my negativity to blame. Instead of thinking or even claiming to myself “I’m so lazy”, I should have thought the opposite. Thanks to God, I’m hardworking. Thanks to God, I’m effective at managing my time. Thanks to God, life is stress-free. 
Now, I thankfully know better, so I’m determined to practice this from here on.

Lesson #5
One of the speakers at the seminar shared with us his visit in the Vatican, where he learned of numerous stories of miracles that took place in the Holy City. Curious, he asked the priest there why was it the Catholic Church wasn’t actively trying to publicize such miracles?
The priest’s answer: Our church doesn’t want its people to serve because of the miracles they’ve learned or witnessed. Our church wants the people to serve because they love God.

Lesson #6
The same speaker shared with us how, one day, he was made short-tempered and depressed because of his problems in life. This was further aggravated when, while he was riding a jeep, a man seemingly started mocking him by singing. Or at least he thought it was to rile him up until he listened to the words the stranger was singing. Those lyrics seemed like a message for him, and he realized all of a sudden that it was God talking to him through the song.
Moral lesson: Not one day passes by that God doesn’t make an effort to tell us we love Him. We just need to listen.

Lesson #7
John 15:5 I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
Interpretation: It’s your personal relationship with God and not your choice of religion that saves you.

Lesson #8
In the Bible story of Daniel and the lion, despite knowing he faced imminent death while in the lion’s lair, Daniel still found the courage to sleep and fight off depression. 
Moral lesson: The lion represents the greatest causes of depression and frustrations in our life, but no matter how big these problems are, they can be easily be vanquished by our faith.

Lesson #9
Whatever you have right now, there’s surely one other person at least who is smarter or better than you are and, as such, are more deserving than you. 
Moral lesson: Again, be thankful for what you have. If there’s something you need, you don’t even have to ask. Just claim it because God knows from the start what you need. Also, read the Bible as this is the true source of prosperity and success.
Source: Joshua 1:8
Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.
 
Lesson #10 (my favorite of all)
A young boy – a beggar – asked an old man for alms, and the man, upon opening his wallet, saw that he only had P24. He gave the beggar P23 and left P1 for himself. The beggar thought to himself, ‘The old man must be crazy’. After all, he could have given the boy P1 and kept the rest of his money to himself.
While enjoying the food he had bought with the stranger’s money, he saw the old man enter a beautiful house across the street. He began to feel discontented, thinking of the P1 left in the man’s wallet.
In the end, he decided to break into the old man’s house to steal the P1. Inside the man’s bedroom, he quickly made a grab for the man’s wallet, which caused the P1 coin to fall. The sound woke the man up, and of course the boy was caught stealing.
Now, what do you think of this boy?
At the seminar, we were quick to answer the following: greedy, without conscience, evil, etc.
The moral lesson: The old man is God, who holds our lives in His hands. The P24 in His wallet is the number of hours we have in a day, 23 of which God is happy for us to use as we see fit, and He only asks that we give one hour each day to Him. 

Just got back home from watching Tomorrowland with fam & the boyfriend, and honestly, I've seen the mostly mixed to negative reviews and I have no idea why that is. It has a budget of $190M but if you add advertising costs, it's close to $300M and yet it only earned - so far - less than 50% of its costs. All in all, a flop in most people's estimations, which is a sad thing because I 100% loved the movie. It had such a huge impact on me, made me reassess not my life really, but mostly on how I see and do things now versus how I used to see and do those same things.
This 2015, for personal reasons, I've set myself a seemingly impossible goal - basically, an ambitious monthly income target. So far, I'm on track BUT since it means having to work very hard every month, I also had to struggle with added stress and pressure. The result: I don't get to enjoy my work as much as I used to.
And that's bad.
However, I used to think it wasn't. I used to think that dealing with stress and pressure was normal and that it comes with the territory, since I have such lofty goals to accomplish.
But after watching Tomorrowland - after seeing how much fun things could be just by dreaming, by believing in the possibility that you can do anything, well...it made me realize how I've lost that belief in myself and in what I do. In many ways, I've even lost the power to dream and allowed facts and figures to tie me down.
And yeah, that's not just bad. That's SUPER bad. Losing the ability to dream, IMO, is actually the WORST thing that can happen to anyone. 
It happened to me, but thankfully, it's never too late to get it back.
 So, yes, I'm going to start over again. I'm just going to work as hard as I can every day but I'll also make sure that I enjoy my work. Now, this very moment, I'm dreaming again. And I believe in that dream. People may think I'm crazy for believing in such dreams, but I know it can happen, God willing.
And as for you - well, just keep believing, dreaming (and, yes, praying). And it WILL happen.

Today's gospel is very apt...

This line in particular struck me---

Lately, this is something I've been struggling with. Recently, author friends of mine have achieved several wonderful milestones in their careers - hitting the bestselling charts on their own (NYT / USAT) and making it to Amazon's Top 100 also on their own or even with secret pen names. While I am EXTREMELY HAPPY for them and would be happier if they keep becoming more and more successful, it did make me reflect on my own writing. And before I knew it, I was plagued with the same doubts that I had once struggled with back when I was seeking an agent for literary representation (aka query hell).

• It starts with asking myself, When is it my turn?
• Then self-doubt sets in. Maybe it will never be my turn because I can’t ever be good enough.
• This is followed by self-pity. That’s okay, that’s my life. I should just be happy with achieving this much.

But…here’s the thing.
Who I was before isn't who I am now, and I need to remember that. 
Back then, I had nothing. So when I kept asking, When is it my turn - it was because I never really had any kind of turn, never had a taste of what life is like in the other side of the fence (a.k.a. being published and having readers want your next book).
Fast forward years later and I can’t be thankful enough that I didn’t get my turn. 
You see, if I had gotten my turn, and I had eventually gotten a publishing deal through my then-agent, I’m pretty sure I’d be too content with having my book in bookstores to even consider dipping my toes in self-publishing. I’d have told myself it was okay to earn a tiny amount of money as long as I was doing what I love. If all this had happened, I’d also have to keep working at my day job and accept freelance writing gigs on the side to support myself. But I’d be happy because – hey, I have my books in bookstores all over the world!
I'd be happy but NOT COMPLETELY HAPPY.
You see, I love my family the most. I will never hesitate to give up writing as a full-time job if it means being able to give my family a comfortable life. And I believe that would have eventually happened if I had stayed on the road that led to traditional publishing.
But through God’s grace I found myself on the path of self-publishing / indie publishing and I have never looked back since then. 
Now, I realize that it hadn’t been my turn back then simply because it wasn't for me.  Self-publishing has changed my life SO MUCH that I can’t ever thank God enough for it. I want to help as many people reach their dreams, if only to give back a little what God has given me. 
So this post is for me and for you - it's to remind us that if there's something we want or have been wanting for such a long time and it hasn't been given to you yet, it could be it just isn't the right time or something better's in store for you. Of course I'm not saying you should just wait and do nothing. You should keep writing - keep doing what you can to improve your skills and there will come a day when the stars will align and there'd be no stopping you. 
I believe in that, and I believe that God will make it happen for us. :D
 

Not everyone's suited or able to be a doctor, the same way not everyone's not suited to be an author, much less one who's Filipino and self-published at that. Be that as it may, I'm beyond happy to be one because at the end of the day, the pros that come with the job far outweigh the cons.

On being an author
UP: You get to tell stories for a living. I love telling stories. I could tell stories - well, write them that is - all day long. A lot of people have asked me about where I get all these stories, and I've always said it really just comes from anywhere and everywhere. However, so many people have asked me this that recently, I've been worried about running out of stories. It probably has to do with the fact that I have been writing a lot more in the past few months as well. Thankfully, though, when push comes to shove, my fingers just start moving, and the story gradually unfolds. 
So will I ever run out of stories? No. I won't like every story I conceptualise, but I definitely won't run out of stories to tell and I look forward to telling stories my whole life.
DOWN: You have a responsibility to your readers. For some, this may be an 'up' - like if you're the type to embrace being a leader or a role model. And I agree, this is an 'up' in the sense that authors should be thankful for having the privilege to reach so many people with their work and the power to change the way people think, feel, or even live. 
However, the downside in all of this is just how daunting it is. If your work promotes the wrong kind of message, you could end up influencing your readers to do something wrong or make them think that something wrong is actually right. 
UP: You don't need to leave your home to work. Again, this is one of those things that could go either way but for me, it's a tremendous advantage. Having to go to an office to work doesn't just take time better spent on writing. It also requires more effort and money. Also, being able to work from home means that you don't have to dress for work, too - which (for me) is really convenient.
DOWN: You don't get to talk to a lot of people. Most of my days are spent either cooped up inside the room writing or typing away at a coffee shop. Either way, I don't have the time, inclination, or need to talk to people. Being an introvert, I find the solitary nature of my work an advantage. However, it's also made me feel more unused to being with so many people, to the point that I've become even more socially awkward. 
UP: You're your own boss. This is another up/down factor. It's an advantage because it means what you says goes. You don't need to ask permission from anyone. On the other hand, this also makes you fully accountable for everything. If you're not self-motivating and self-sufficient, then you'll find it hard to stick to your deadlines and meet your writing goals.
DOWN: You are (to an extent) dependent on trends. I know it can be argued that every job is dependent on market trends and demands to a certain extent, but I also think the job of an author is more so than others. While many consider books as valuable commodities, they cannot, however, be strictly defined as a basic or necessary good the way, for instance, water, food, or even fuel is. A lot of people are able to survive - even live happily - without ever reading a book, much less buying one. It's for this reason that authors have to remember how important it is to please their readers if they want to continue selling books and making money from it. Obviously, if you don't care about making money and you're just writing for the art then this factor doesn't apply in your case. :D

On being self-published 
UP: You write what you want. Just do a little digging, and you'll be able to read numerous articles on how traditionally published authors have their most precious manuscripts turned away without any offers simply because it wasn't what the editors considered "sellable". If you want to be traditionally published, you need to go through several gatekeepers: agents, editors, publishers. Granted, self-published authors face the same dilemma, too. They could end up writing something they don't like because they know what sells as well. The difference here, however, was that they chose to write those books. No one forced them to write those books the same way that nobody can stop them from writing or publishing whatever they want.
DOWN: You need to be business-minded. I've talked about this matter to death, so I'm going to keep it short this time: if you can't be business-minded about your work, then self-publishing might not be for you. Luckily for me, I've got Chinese blood and Chinese are very, very business-minded. :D 
UP: More royalties! This is nothing to scoff at, especially when you see the latest surveys about authors not making as much money as most people think they do. 
DOWN: Less opportunities to get your books in bookstores. Like any author, I've also dreamt of seeing my book in bookstores. I had that dream when I was in my mid-twenties (just a local publishing deal, mind you, so that book never made it outside PH). It was a fantastic experience. Would I care to experience it again? Of course. But would I trade my self-publishing career for it? Absolutely not. :D 
UP: You have the flexibility and liberty to experiment. This is even more essential nowadays because with so much diversity being offered by indie authors, just about anything can be a huge hit, which would then immediately create a huge demand for similar books. Traditionally published authors are advised not to chase trends simply because by the time their books are out in the market, it's too late - the trend's no longer a trend. But it's a different situation for self-published authors. Because you're your own boss, you have the ability to cater to those markets right away.
DOWN: You need to live with the stigma that's still associated with self-publishing. I'm not really sure this will ever go away so if the thought of being looked down on by traditionally published authors and publishers greatly bothers you, then self-publishing might not be your best bet.

On being Filipino
UP: You have the potential to be unique. Most internationally and independently published books are written by native English speakers, which are mainly Americans, British, and Australians. As a Filipino, I'm definitely part of the minority but I consider this a good thing. I've always been told that my heroines are not like others and I truly believe one of the reasons for this is the fact that I'm Filipino. Being different is never a drawback - and you just have to believe it's not to turn it into your specialization.
DOWN: Your English may be considered "strange". This, by the way, is more likely to be a problem if you've lived in the PH your whole life or you haven't spent a significant amount of time in any native-English-speaking country. The good news, however, is that you can improve on this. 
DOWN: People might not understand or appreciate what you're writing. This factor actually plays quite the critical role in my life. As many of you know, PH is a conservative country and one that's predominantly Catholic / Christian. Since I write steamy books, I do my best to avoid mentioning about anything regarding the genre or type of my work. I just know that if I mention the heat level of my books, a lot of people would start looking at me differently. I even hesitate to volunteer in churches because I don't care to risk embarrassing myself by being removed once they find out what I write (and decide that they hate it). Also, I don't care to risk putting them in the position of having to defend their decision for allowing "someone like me" to help out.

So there it is, the ups and downs of being a Filipino self-published author. It's just kinda sad that when I had to start thinking about the pros and cons of being a Filipino author, it's mostly disadvantages that occurred to me. Hopefully, one day, that will change. 

Every time I feel like I've achieved a particular milestone in my career with God's blessing, I do my best to give back. One way I'd like to give back is to share tips which I feel would be of help to Filipino authors like me.
Today, I'd like to talk about the importance of being true to yourself. If I had not been true to myself - and continue to be so, I don't think I'd ever be where I am now. However, being true to one's self is not easy at all. At least it wasn't for me. The first version of Death Loves Me Not was very much influenced by Twilight. It managed to get a few bites but no one really snapped it up or received real interest until I rewrote it into what it is now - a YA horror with the smallest bit of romance in it. (Read: they didn't even kiss!!! IKR. How could that be possible? A Marian Tee book without kissing?)
In the end, though, what really helped me find the courage and experience joy in being true to myself was my readers. More specifically, their feedback - reviews, emails, messages - helped me appreciate my own writing and stop being so easily influenced by what other people say. 
Again, I'm not saying that it meant not accepting constructive criticism. NOT AT ALL.  Rather, I define "writing for yourself" as being able to write what you really like to the best of your ability. 
Keep in mind there are two essential elements here: 1) Writing what you really like and 2) doing your best, which means constantly finding ways to improve your writing.
I needed to clarify that because some people mistakenly believe that writing for yourself means ignoring all rules about grammar, plot, etc. That's one way of looking at it, but that's NOT what I'm talking about. If you really love writing, then there'll always be burning urge inside of you to continuously hone your craft. Likewise, every time you write, you should have this burning urge to write something that you yourself would enjoy reading.
Secondly, being true to yourself as a writer also means being true to yourself as a READER. 
I remember there was a time when one of my former online bosses asked me about the books I read. I was totally honest when I told him I haven't yet read Jack Kerouac - and have no plans to do so. I even had to google his name and nope - one look at the kind of books he's writing told me they're not the kind I'd enjoy.
When I was interviewed by Ms. Alma Anonas-Carpio, I felt totally sheepish when I admitted to her that I haven't really read any books written by local authors except those that made it to required reading lists in school like those by Lualhati Bautista. I didn't even recognize most of the names she mentioned to me. >.< 
(Off-topic: I really felt bad about that and I started researching about local authors. Eventually, I stumbled across F. Sionil Jose. When I read his life story, I was blown away. What he's achieved is just amazing and I wish more readers would know more about him. I haven't read any of his books yet, but I know I'll get to them eventually - with the kind of life he's led, I just know I'll enjoy his writing.)
I don't like reading books that have the main characters dying in the end (or at the start, doesn't matter, dead is dead). It's why I haven't watched Titanic and why I haven't read The Fault in Our Stars. It's just not for me. 
I don't enjoy reading diverse books, mostly because I can't relate to them. I don't see myself as a person of color, but I don't see myself as Western either. Because I'm very much an introvert and prefer spending most of my time with my family, social issues regarding diversity don't really figure in my life. I am aware of it, of course. I'm 100% behind the call for more diversity in fiction, media, etc. but I also know I'm not the best person to spearhead such campaigns.
Poems are okay, but I don't go out of my way looking for new poetry to read - or write. I did chance upon a few passages by Neruda, and I have to admit - they touched my soul. I may read more of his works next time.
As for what I like - 
Books that allow me to escape, dream, and experience a whole new life or adventure, may it be a grand sweeping romance, mind-bending mystery, or life-changing nonfiction. I don't care what people say when I tell them I love Twilight as much as I love Harry Potter. I love 50 Shades as much as I love Narnia. 
Bottom line: being honest about what you do and don't like when it comes to books is one of the first steps in discovering who you are as a writer.
Another way to be true to yourself and to your writing is being honest about what you want to achieve.
When I write a book---

• I hope to make readers fall in love. I hope to make them happy and cry and then make them smile again. I  want my books to be a roller-coaster ride they won't ever forget.
• I hope to make money. 

Like I always say, you don't have to choose one or the other when it comes to these things. If you work hard enough, there's a way to ensure that you achieve both your artistic and financial objectives with one book. Sure, some will tell you it's not possible. Others may say that while it is possible, your book didn't do it for them. And that's okay. As long as you're earning the money you need to earn and your readers are happy with you, it's all good. Do it like Taylor Swift does - shake it off and get back to work.
Also, I know writing with making money in mind is still considered taboo, but I'm sorry - I'd feel even more like a hypocrite if I lie about my objectives. Writing is what I want to do in life and the best way to achieve that is to earn from writing. So, yeah, of course I always take in point what would help my book sell when I write.
Fourthly, I think it's important to accept that being true to your writing doesn't automatically mean EVERYONE will love your work. No matter how hard you try, there will be people who will NEVER get your work. And that's okay - you mustn't let yourself be pressured into trying to win them over - to the point that you end up ignoring the readers who actually love your writing as it is. 
Lastly, I really believe that being true to your writing means finding your calling and doing what God wants you to do. For me, this is really important. I'm sure people will think that it's weird to say so when I write really steamy books. However, if you read the reviews of my books, most readers say the same thing: the books are hot, but what they really like about it is how LOVE always trumps everything in the end. And that's what I believe I was meant to do - I'm not meant to write life-changing books. I'm just meant to write books that will make you smile, laugh, cry, hope and BELIEVE in love and life again.
I know most of the stuff I've discussed here is something I've taken up in the past, but I just think it bears repeating. YEARS - it really took me years to embrace the way I want to write. Hopefully, this post will help make your journey of self-discovery as a writer easier.

Of the various parables there are in the Holy Bible, I think this is one of those you could interpret in many different ways. This and this share good insights about The Parable of the Bags of Gold, but as for me, I'd like to reflect on it as someone who writes for a living.
1. Don't worry about each other people's talents. I used to be crippled by self-doubt. It paralyzed me, to the point that I've neglected to try getting any of my works published for a long, long time. But eventually, I've realized that I'm only hurting myself by doing that. If I only focus on what other people have done with their careers, I'd just end up throwing my life away.
As this parable shows, it's not what you started with that matters. It's what you do with what you have that's important. So if you really think you need an MFA to be a better writer, stop feeling bad about not having one. Figure out what you need to do to get your degree. 
2. Don't be afraid to take risks. In this parable, the third servant was given just one bag of gold - less than what the other servants were entrusted with. If you think about it, he had less to risk but he ended up the one being most afraid of risking and losing.
God gave us all that we need to get where we're destined to be. But we'll never finish our life's journey if we don't start believing in ourselves. If we don't take a chance on ourselves. I am where I am now because I took a risk. It was a giant leap of faith, a sink-or-swim kind of decision. All the odds were against me and the only thing that kept me writing was my faith in myself - and my belief that I was doing what I was meant to do.
3. Don't blame others for what you can't accomplish or haven't accomplished. In the parable, when the third servant was called to do an accounting, he started off with an explanation of how his master's attitude has influenced his decision. As far as I'm concerned, he's pretty much blaming his master for the fact that he's done nothing with his bag of gold. 
If my book's a flop, I'm not going to blame you or anyone else because of it. I'm just going to try and figure out what I could have improved on, move on, and chalk it up to experience. Blaming other people or factors for one's failure is not only pointless, but in some cases it can also be unnecessarily hurtful. Dishonest and cowardly even. 
4. We are all born with "something". To end this on a positive note, this parable also reminds us that we were all born with one or several talents - an "X-factor" if you will, and it's just up to us to recognize what it is and develop it into something great. :)

P.S. I've pasted the passage for today's gospel below in case you'd like to read it.
P.P.S. If you previously posted a comment / emailed me, I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I'm only blogging when I need to take a break from editing / writing. Sorry for the delay!

September 21 is my birthday (which, I'm thrilled to say, is also Stephen King's birthday. On the other hand, I'm also not-so-thrilled to note that 9/21 is also Martial Law day in the Philippines). 
I turned 32 this year and I have to say that this is my HAPPIEST birthday so far. This year, I can really say that I'm a full-fledged author. This year, I was able to spend my birthday not just with my loved ones but most importantly, this year God has given me more than enough blessings to share with others. It's not that I have millions and millions of pesos, but I just feel so blessed to be doing what I love that I really want to share my happiness with others.

The readings and gospel for 9/21 are also particularly meaningful and I can't help but think of it as a special message to God. Here are a few lines I'd like to highlight...

These lines made me remember all the times - ALL THE YEARS - that I "saw" (online) one writer after another accepting offers of representation and book deals, some of them only after sending a handful of queries. I kept asking myself - or rather God - when would it be my turn? I was not angry, but sometime I was envious and I definitely felt very frustrated. 
But now I realize how wrong I was. For His ways are not our ways. There is a reason for everything, and we must not question His plans for there is a reason for everything that happens and because it is God, it will always be for the better.
Comparing our lives - our writing careers - to others is also something we should avoid. All blessings come from God. Knowing that, why should we then feel bad when God is being generous to others? Why are we envious when God is generous? Shouldn't that be a great and glorious thing? Wouldn't YOU feel bad if you've learned other people despise you (envy is often - not always but often - close to despisal) because God has blessed you? When you put yourself in their shoes, it doesn't feel right, does it?
There are so many things I still wish - things that I hope to be able to do as an author and as an individual, but I hope I am now mature enough not to feel frustrated whenever other people achieve the same things before I do. 
All I can do right now is to work harder, love my job more, and thank God for every single day that He's allowed me to write for a living.
God bless you all! :)

Earlier today, I was able to watch a recording of Christopher Yuan's testimony to...I suppose we could call them Gideon followers? They're basically the ones responsible for distributing Gideon Bibles to people all over the world. His testimony struck a chord in me because - and this may sound weird - but I can really empathize with him.

Every day, I find myself torn - I have a hard time defining my identity. I feel like I'm torn between two directions: on one hand, as someone who loves God very much and on the other, someone who writes the kind of books that the church - Catholic or Protestant - may frown upon. Sometimes, I wonder - does this mean I should give up writing steamy romance - which I really enjoy doing and am extremely passionate about - and start writing Christian or inspirational romance instead?

For so long I have had no idea what the answer to this is. But listening to Christopher's testimony, reading and researching about his life - I just suddenly found the answer. Or make that I finally understood God's answer. In one of the blog posts about Christopher that I read online, it says ---

Those lines worked like an epiphany for me. I found it so liberating and enlightening that his parents didn't ask God to heal his illness or even have him not be a homosexual. Instead, all they wanted was for their son to know God and Christopher himself only wanted to know what God planned for him so that he could do God's will. 

Learning that has opened my eyes. It made me realize that through writing what write, I have the power to reach more readers and perhaps help them discover the wonderful and mysterious ways in which God works miracles in our lives. You see, readers of Christian romance are usually already blessed - I don't think I'm in the position to be of greater help to them. But for those reading mainstream romance - those who love to read the kind of books I write, I believe I have the power to remind them through my stories that God is always there for us, no matter what. And that no matter what happens, we must never blame God. Everything happens for a reason - even if we don't readily understand what those reasons are. We can only know and remember that God loves us and that He will never ever ever harm us.

Like Christopher, I am an imperfect person. I have sinned and will likely sin in the future. My writing is just as imperfect but even so, God's message is perfect and because of that, I believe that at the end of the day, His message will still be able to shine through in every story I write. 

Perhaps in time...what I write will change. But for now I realize that I am happy, content, and beyond excited with where I am right now. I believe that I'm doing is what God wants me to do. You know how with some people, you just can't force them to believe and shove your faith down their throats? The only way to reach them is to gradually expose them to God's love and I believe that's the role my books will play - are playing - in God's plans. My books can help change those people who will steer immediately clear of Christian romances just because they're what they are. 

If you've accidentally stumbled upon this post, I believe it's no accident - it was destiny, to open your eyes that maybe you've got a similar purpose in life. I also believe that this post is meant to remind us that the right path won't always feel like the right path. The right path isn't always straight and comfortable. There have been so many articles and books written about finding the right path and getting off the wrong one that we forget about how the devil can also tempt us the other way around. The devil can make us doubt ourselves, make us believe we're on the wrong path when we're actually on the right one already. 

I hope this post helps those who are as confused as I was. If you're still confused, just keep praying and God will give you the answer you seek. It may take time, but there's a reason for that, too. Just don't lose faith. God bless you all!