I write sweet and steamy rom-coms with tear-jerker happy-ever-afters.
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This is where we talk all about writing.


I'm still new to indie / self-publishing, but if there's a question you'd like to ask me, please feel free to do so. 
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My Road to Publication

Productivity vs. Fruitfulness

11/29/2015

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Note: This post is a reflection on the sermon delivered by Pastor R. Chan at Grace Gospel Church. This is Part 3 of 3.

Hardened hearts pursue the interest of men, rather than the interests of God, in the name of Jesus. - Bill Lawrence.
Pastor R had a question for his listeners that particularly struck me:
Are you longing for something more than a mediocre life?
​Well, it is there, available.
But first, let me go back to Part 1 of my post. One of the reasons I thought of writing that post only after BOOK 3 is released is because my sales for Books 1 and 2 of Pollyanna and the Greek Billionaire are less than stellar. BUT then church happened, God spoke to me, and here I am! :D 
Now, to give you an idea of how Polly 1 did in comparison to my most recent series, let's say that for every copy of Polly 1 sold, My Dutch Billionaire 1 sold 3 to 5 copies, more or less (it varies because of the time of the day). 
BUT there are other factors to consider, such as---
  • My Dutch Billionaire was priced at $.99 while Polly 1 is at $2.99
  • MDB benefited from more lead-in promo, like posts and teasers in social media and my newsletters
  • Polly 1 was released in replacement for Prince of Darkness and Polly 2 was released during Thanksgiving / Black Friday, which one US writer has told me that is extremely bad for book sales because most people are away from home (it's even worse than Christmas, they say)
  • Nov - Dec are supposedly low seasons for book sales (I hear this all the time, BUT the truth is, I've never been affected by this until now. In the past, every time I released a new book, it was all good.)
  • LOTS OF MAJOR CHANGES HAPPENING. I think this is mostly because of Amazon's Kindle Unlimited program, to be honest. But unfortunately, the only thing we can do is ride it out and just keep writing the books we love. 
So, I was hoping I could have better news to share about Book 3, out of pride.
Here I am, talking about how thankful I am that God helped me write Polly 1-3 but then Books 1 and 2 sold less than MDB, which I also wrote during very bad times. PARANG ANG LABO, DI BA?
But then yes, I attended service this morning, and everything became clear, especially when Pastor R asked us to choose between PRODUCTIVITY and FRUITFULNESS.
For me, PRODUCTIVITY is working to primarily reward yourself. FRUITFULNESS is working to primarily reward others or for other people to benefit.
And this was my mistake when I was writing Prince of Darkness.
If you remember, I mentioned how I wanted POD to be this not-shallow-romance, able to inspire people to do or be certain things. And my God, I was so caught up with this idea that I forgot MY OWN RULE about writing. And that's to write what you love, write what your readers love, write what you're destined to write.
Instead, I write to flatter my own ego, to impress would-be critics and readers of other genre.
I ended up NOT being true to myself, and DAMN IT, I wasted almost two months lost in my own DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR. Dammit, dammit, dammit - to think I'd be able to use those words about my own work. 
Yeah, I had sunk that low.
I became the kind of writer that I secretly felt bad for.
Writers who write to impress, rather than writers who simply write because it's what they love, and it's because they want their readers to FEEL the way they feel. 

John 15: 16 You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name.
I lost sight of this. Of the reason God has blessed me with the opportunity to know EARLY in life what I am DESTINED to do, to know my PURPOSE. I was like Simon Peter---
John 21: 1-3 
1 After these things Jesus showed himself again to the disciples by the Sea of Tiberias; and he showed himself in this way. 2 Gathered there together were Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin,[a] Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of his disciples. 3 Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.”
Remember that this took place after Jesus' death. And when Simon Peter said, I am going fishing, it was like an admission - him choosing to go back to his old way of life and forgetting what He had learned from Jesus.
This was what happened to me. 
As I struggled over writing Prince of Darkness, I found myself falling back on my old ways, out of fear, laziness, pride - everything. I forgot to trust God. I forgot that I wrote because I love to write,  I wrote because I want my readers to fall in love.

In an ideal world, Polly 1 and 2 would sell even better than My Dutch Billionaire. But so far, it's not. It's NOT doing BADLY, it's just not doing as well as its predecessor. But I think this had to happen, too, because in a way, this has also reminded me WHY I love writing.
Because regardless of the sales, I'm DAMN PROUD of this series. (Sorry for all the cuss words, but I'm feeling pretty emotional). I sweat blood and tears on these books, poured my heart and soul in them. I know that, when the right people (meaning my target readers and not readers who hate romance for unreasonable reasons) read my work, I know they'll have the best time, and they'll think, ah, this is love. And this is the love I want to have / to keep experiencing.
So yeah, I'm DAMN PROUD. Yeah, repeating it. DAMN PROUD. Hehe. 
And last night, I also had to watch Jerry Maguire again, for research purposes (daw, hehe), and there were a couple of great quotes that I think would apply to this post, too.
 That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!
All right, I'll tell you why you don't have your ten million dollars. Right now, you are a paycheck player. You play with your head, not your heart. In your personal life, heart. But when you get on the field it's all about what you didn't get. Who's to blame. Who won through the pass. Who's got the contract you don't. Who's not giving you your love. You know what, that is not what inspires people. That is not what inspires people! Shut up! Play the game, play it from your heart. And you know what, I'll show you the kwan. And that's the truth, man! That's the truth. Can you handle it?
Hey, I don't have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.
Part 1 here.
Part 2 here.
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When all is said and done, what now?

11/28/2015

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Note: This post is a reflection on the sermon delivered by Pastor R. Chan at Grace Gospel Church. This is Part 2 of 3.

This second topic is actually the core subject of Pastor R, but I had to do a little segue with my first post. Anyway, GGC had a mission conference (a really huge occasion for the church) during APEC week, and following that they also celebrated their 50th anniversary. So this Sunday was the first "normal" Sunday, and as Pastor R noted, it's only now that everyone's "high" - after attending such important occasions back to back - will be starting to fade.
Hence, his topic: WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE, WHAT NOW?
I think this is also applicable for us PH writers, especially those who have attended yesterday's 5th Filipino Reader Con. There were lots of great panels and talks, based on what I've read so far on social media, so I'm sure everyone's experiencing that so-called "conference high". 
Personally, I had this same feeling, too. When I finally got books out - one after another, too, after suffering from such a long writing drought, I was IMMENSELY GIDDY. I felt so BLESSED. I avoid using that word these days, tbh, because I feel it's being abused, but right now I can't think of any other word that could properly define how I felt. I was blessed, beyond belief, beyond what I deserve. That's how I felt. And that's why I posted the quote below on IG.
Picture
Now here's where it gets interesting.

​Before I could post it, our Internet connection suddenly stopped working. No reason at all, it just stopped working for a few minutes and I remember how AT and I looked at each other, wondering what happened.
But then it came back and so the image quote, which showed up as failed initially, went through. It popped up on my screen and I just absently scrolled down, intending to look only at a few photos before going back to work.
​
The first photo I saw on my newsfeed was the one below--

Picture
AMAZING, right?
This is from a fellow writer, btw, and I would NOT have seen her post if our Internet connection didn't stop working. That's why, when I headed over to her IG, I told her what happened and that she's the reason God made my Internet connection stop working. Because if it hadn't stopped, I would never have seen her post. I would have seen someone else's post and because I fully intended to work right after. 
Honestly, when it happened, I had goosebumps all over and when I told my dad about this, I had goosebumps all over. I don't know if it helped the other writer (Hi, N! Just in case you ever get to read this), but I know IT HELPED ME. Because it's just like a bonus, to have THIS KIND OF PERSONAL MIRACLE and proof that God is really here with us all the time. I'm sure there are people who will think it's just coincidence, and that's also cool. To each his own. <3
So anyway, if you combine THAT and the feeling of awesomeness you get every time you release a book (and remember, I just released TWO ), well, yeah, I've got the same HIGH as others do, when they've just finished with a conference or seminar.
Now, Pastor R was saying how it's a phenomenal process, the way people can get so pumped up during a conference or right after it, then give it a couple of days or weeks, and it's business as usual, and people have completely lost the passion to act on their ideas.
He mentioned how, when you're at a particular event, you'd be excitedly jotting down notes, and as you write every word, you feel like God's talking to you. 
BUT here's his question - when was the last time you went back on those notes? 
After the mission conference, he went back to his notes, and as he went over it, he was actually overwhelmed by the amount of information in them, and the changes he needed to apply, that he felt it would take a month at least just to fully digest everything, and that's only to understand, mind you.
I think it's the same for us.
When we learn something new about our work, when we attend an event like FRC, when we read a particularly inspiring article---
Let's keep that high going. 
Pastor R has several suggestions for this:
  • Go back on your notes. I promised myself I'll do this and go back on my notes.
  • Pray for specific things. 
  • Discuss with your peers.
  • Be mentored.

Another interesting thing he mentioned during his sermon was how we - and he includes himself in this - are at our most "pretentious" when we are at church. I'm guilty of this, too. And I think this also applies to industry events that we attend, or any other public occasion that we feel we may be judged. When we know eyes could be on us, we try to behave at a certain way and we make a conscious effort to say the right words.
But the thing is---
We are less able to help ourselves AND others if we can't be true to ourselves. If we're suffering, if we're struggling, we MUST admit this (and that's actually something I'll discuss in Part 3). 
So in a nutshell: if we want to help ourselves, if we want to help other people, let's honestly reflect on what we've learned, too. <3
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We have worked all night long but have caught nothing.

11/28/2015

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Note: This post is a reflection on the sermon delivered by Pastor R. Chan at Grace Gospel Church. This is Part 1 of 3.

Luke 5: 1-6
1 Once while Jesus was standing beside the lake of Gennesaret, and the crowd was pressing in on him to hear the word of God, 2 he saw two boats there at the shore of the lake; the fishermen had gone out of them and were washing their nets. 3 He got into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, and asked him to put out a little way from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. 4 When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch.” 5 Simon answered, “Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets.” 6 When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were beginning to break.
Last October to the first 3 weeks of November, I struggled so much over writing and editing my WIP at that time, Prince of Darkness. I actually (literally) penned this story years back, and I had thought it would be a breeze to flesh it out now that the time has come to publish it. But while talking to my editor Wendy, I had this lightbulb moment about adding a prologue and changing the back story for my heroine. 
The reason: I wanted my book to not just be the usual romance, but I also wanted it to inspire readers to appreciate how we're all different and to respect such differences.
The result: I wasn't able to write the story at all.
 I wrote various versions, wrote chapters and chapters only to erase them afterwards. My income was sinking BIG TIME and because I'm the breadwinner of my family, this worried me a lot. An increasingly loud voice in my mind was URGING me to just finish it and get it out. Anyway, readers seem to love all my stories, no matter what. But I just couldn't. I felt like I owe it to my readers and to myself not to put out a story that I don't love.
These were dark, dark days for me, and I didn't interact much with anyone. I kept my problems and worries to myself. I began to feel terrified, thinking that it was the end of my career. Because I just couldn't get it. Why wouldn't the words come? Why?
5 Simon answered, “Master, we have worked all night long but have caught nothing. ​
And then one day, I forgot what made me think or realize this, but I thought back about how it was for me the month before (September). It was one of the most challenging months in my career, because I had to temporarily set aside work while looking after my boyfriend's sister while she was at the hospital and then there were the several trips we made to the E.R. because my mom was suffering from a mix of hypertension and middle life crisis, and, well it was really, really bad. 
I had deadlines looming, but I had no choice. I had to put my family first. When things had settled down somewhat, I simply put my faith in God and let Him guide me.
The result: My Dutch Billionaire series became one of my BESTSELLING books ever. EVER! 
So I remembered how it was that month, when I was facing so much more problems, and I realized that my greatest mistake was to keep struggling on my own, NOT asking help from God and not trusting in Him. I thought, if Prince of Darkness wasn't working, then it's not. I realized then that finishing POD was something I wanted to do not out of love or passion. Instead, it had become a matter of pride. I NEED TO FINISH THIS BECAUSE I CAN. I'M A SHITTY WRITER IF I CAN'T FINISH A MANUSCRIPT I STARTED. And because I felt that way, POD had turned into work instead of a passion project, like all my other books were.
So...even with only weeks to work on a new series, I told myself to trust in God and help me. 
Yet if you say so, I will let down the nets.
And the words just flowed.
When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were beginning to break.
To be honest, this post is something I was planning to write next week, after the release of Book 3 for Kyr and Pollyanna's story. But after today's sermon, I realized that God was telling me to write this post now, while it's still fresh and so that I may share a lesson on humility (more that on Part 3).
Anyway, I'm happy to share that because of God's grace, Books 1 and 2 of my series are now out and Book 3 will be out December 2. 
God is amazing that way! I slaved over Prince of Darkness for months, writing every day, and NOTHING. But Pollyanna and the Greek Billionaire - I only worked on it for a short amount of time, and it's become one of those stories that I know I will be FOREVER proud of because I poured MY HEART AND SOUL in it.

A Disciple's Lifestyle

In Pastor R's sermon, he highlighted these three things as necessary for a disciple's lifestyle.
  • Reliance
  • Repentance
  • Remembrance
I believe this is true, no matter what our work is, no matter who we are. I can even go as far as saying that all these applied to me while I struggled working on Prince of Darkness. I forgot to RELY on God, because of my pride. But then REMEMBERED what He had done for me, and I REPENTED and put my trust in Him. And yes, I did pray that time, when I had decided to set aside POD and work on something else. Praying to God, I asked for His forgiveness, for thinking I could do it all on my own. 

I hope this post inspires you. Whether it's writer's block or just a phase where you HATE everything you write, like how it was for me, put Your trust in God. He will not let you down.
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#FILIPINOFRIDAY 2: 5 Things I Wish as a Filipino Reader

11/12/2015

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Off the top of my head----
  1. More PH-oriented adult coloring books. HEHEHE. Like, give me a scene I can color that's straight out from Baguio (flowers and pine trees), Boracay (beaches), Ilocos (wind mills & carriages), Capiz (aswang festival). COME ON, somebody give me this!!!!!!
  2. An easier way to order older / backlist titles. Like...what if I want to order the old chick lit books published by Summit and PSICOM? In paperback and ebook form?
  3. More steamy AND escapist romances by PH authors with PH characters (not just because it's what I write but also because it's what I know I will always love to read) written in English, Taglish, and Filipino (because variety is essential) 
  4. More ebook versions, esp. for non-fic / instructional / self-help
  5.  More books (not just the Wattpad stories bec they already have their own TV show) adapted for TV / films.
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#FilipinoFriday 2015 1: 5 Ways Reading Has Changed My Life

11/5/2015

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It's my second time to participate in FRC's Filipino Friday posts. If it's your first time to hear about it, then head over to their blog to know everything there is to know about it.
That done, back to my first post, which is over an hour late. >.< 
IF NOT FOR READING...
  1. I wouldn't have discovered my purpose in life.
  2. I wouldn't be able to stay close to God.
  3. I wouldn't have realized how there is much to love about life and humanity, wouldn't have known and appreciate how big and diverse our world is.
  4. I wouldn't have gotten to know or become friends with several wonderful people.
  5. I could have been a really BAD (and not in a cute or cool way) person.
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    Welcome!

    * Starting February 1, 2014, this blog will be dedicated to providing publishing tips for aspiring Filipino writers.
    * This blog is also where I share my theological views and how it affects my life and work as a writer. I consider myself an open-minded Catholic as I also have an uncle who's a Christian pastor. Luke 9:50 Jesus said to him, "Do not prevent him, for whoever is not against you is for you."
    I believe with all my heart that it is our personal relationship with God that saves us and NOT RELIGION.
    * Readers, the stuff you want may be found here.

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